Written by: Mandisa MaThutshini Nzuza
Have you ever asked yourself that question? We often involved ourselves in relationships because it is a societal norm. We grew up dating being the norm in our society even though our parents would advise us for marriage however we never had that conversation of why do we date. The conversation of why do we date was never a topic of discussion that is why the generation of today do not see a problem in dating a guy for 10years and even live together not married, in the African Zulu culture they call it ‘Ukukipita” because it has become normal. It has become a norm to get pregnant or impregnate at a young age and become parents that will leave their children with (uGogo) the grandmother to take care of the grand kids. It has become a norm to get pregnant from different guys and to impregnate multiple young women. It is all normal because we never had that conversation of why do we involve ourselves in sexual activities, love and romance at a very young age.
Where is the youth that will stand for what is just and liberating? How liberating it is to have a choice. To choose not to fall in to the trap of bad habit that will lead you in suffering the consequences of your actions. Not only do you suffer alone but as you are one in a million this means your family suffers too. The whole community even the country as a whole suffers. Our Former president Thabo Mbeki once said “The African youth must learn the habit and discipline of reading, asking questions and daring to challenge all supposedly established truths”. Dare to challenge supposedly established truth that you can just go on date and involve yourself in sexual activities, love and romance while young with no purpose in your actions. You can challenge it by asking yourself the question of why you really have to do it. Are young doing it because everyone growing up was doing it? Are you doing it because you were under pressure, because everyone at your ages have two or more babies and you have none? It is okay to choose the other direction that is not the same as your associate. The direction of truth and life. The life of meaning and purpose.
Counselling psychologist Phephelani Zondi once said “There is no Meaning to Life, except the one you create” This means you have been given the power to create your own life the way you want it to be even though at times life will have its own ups and downs but the power is in your hands to make right choices. The power is in deciding to date because you know why you are dating. It is not enough to know but share your intent the very first time when you are being approached. Have that braveness and courage to say for example: I am dating because I am ready to a family. And ask the other as well. Asking that question to the other brings that thing! That you are not just any woman or man but you are one of a kind with integrity. You know who you are, where you are going and where you stand. You are not easily influenced by the societal norms. This question also brings clarity to you if this is what you really want or its peer pressure. And if it not something you want to pursue anytime soon it is okay. It is okay to be different. It is okay to make wise decision while you still young because you still have time to shape your future the way you desire it to be.
Be a purposeful youth that date with an intention. This type of dating is called “Intentional dating”. Do not just say yes to any relationship however have a drawing board that you go back to and check your intentions. The intention and motive before entering to any relationship gives the relationship from the very beginning a meaning. It gives direction to what you want to fulfill and pursue as you begin to date. Once you have that frame of reference in your life you will start to feel a sense of meaningfulness and courage to run the race of relationships and dating with endurance because you know what you are doing and know that which you want out of it. You are not influenced by the society but you are driven by your intention to fulfill your dreams. I always tell my daughter Yenzokuhle that there is nothing that you cannot do or be under the sun however the power is in you to decide and chose what is best for you now before you grow older(Aging). When that face of aging approaches you will not have the regrets. We call those regrets in IsiZulu “Ukube Engabe” however you will have smile on your face when looking back and be proud of the human being you have grown to be.
It is also our responsibility as parents to initiate the conversation of why do we date with our children at a young age so that when they have grown to adulthood they make right choices. It will be up to them to decide which path they follow however as a parent you have played your role.
I have not much to say. What I read is eye opening ♥️thank you for teaching our youth and also reminding those who were about to lose themselves because they had forgotten.